Adopt A Violent Illegal Immigrant Letter

Do you know any Democrats, Federal Judges, Editors and others of that ilk who should get this letter?

Dear Mrs. Johnson:

Thank you for your many letters demanding our attempts to deport illegal immigrants with criminal records out of the USA.

President Trump takes these matters seriously and your opinions were heard loud and clear here in our nation's capitol. You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new department here at the Department of Homeland Security, to be called “Liberals Accept Responsibility for Illegal-Violent Criminals”.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided, on a trial basis, to divert several such violent, illegal immigrants and place them in homes of concerned citizens such as yourself, around the country, under those citizens personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence on Monday.

Jorge Gonzales y Ramos is your detainee, and is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. You will be pleased to know that we will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Jorge are commensurate with your recommendations.

Although Jorge is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem' will help him overcome those character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling, however, we strongly recommend that you hire some assistant caretakers.

Since this immigrant refused to learn English you will be required to hire (At your own cost) a translator.

Please advise any Anglo friends, neighbors or relatives about your house guest, as he might get agitated or even violent in their presence, but we are sure you can reason with him. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless in your opinion, this might offend him. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in prison-yard combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills either in your home or wherever you choose to take him while helping him adjust to life in our country.

Even in prison Jorge was able to obtain a large variety of dangerous and illegal drugs. It would be best if you did not eat or drink anything that he has been able to access.

As Jorge has been convicted of rape and sexual abuse of little girls he will not wish to interact with you or your daughters except sexually, since he views females as a form of property, thereby having no rights, including refusal of his sexual demands.

You take good care of Jorge and remember that we will try to have a counselor available to help you over any difficulties you encounter while Ahmed is adjusting to the culture of our nation,

Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man. Good luck and God bless you.

/Kurt William Schawartman